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This is truly horrifying, Mary. In my experience, foster youths who repeatedly run away are returned to the birth parents as “out-of-control” teens, or just allowed to be on the run. There is a house bill currently in Congress designed to ensure the state agency provides the youth a birth certificate, social security card, their medical records, and a bank account, as part of a means to keep them from engaging in sex trafficking. That’s a good idea, but a young person without a home will soon lose those items, or have them stolen. It’s one more good idea that is still too little too late.
In the seventies they would stick you in institutions. I almost went to Hillcrest for no crime except running from abuse. That is where my prostitute foster mother had grown up as a teenager for getting pregnant. Not one foster home got me a tooth brush. I was starved in several. I went without food the longest time for two weeks. After a while you lose the desire to eat. What I know about kids is they talk to each other not workers. I was in care that did not register me in school. I did not go to high school at all in the most criminal homes. They knew as I was on an emergency move list for a year. They knew. The best thing that happened was neighborhood youth corps helped me get a job. Before that between care I was on the run alot. Creative living. I always talk to homeless kids if I run into them. Life is hard for them. I was gifted with a fine mind and will to survive. But when I went on my own I had no skills. My first car I blew up the engine. No one to tell me cars needed oil. Simple stuff like how to cook or what bills you will have to pay. In foster care it was like the streets just survival. I hope things have gotten better but with this culture and its fear of children I doubt it. I have done much in this life to help others as kids and adults. I care about people. But I don’t have time or patience to spend with people that make children the problem instead of society. There needs to be safe places for kids on the run. Harry’s Mother in Portland will take in runaways but they call their parents to get permission. An abusive parent won’t give it. They don’t want their kids talking to anybody. Outside In used to give runaways a place for the night on people’s floors. Had some interesting experiences with that. Most of these kids just need normal. Normal place to sleep at night. Normal loving environment. Teenagers are pretty hardened from experience but most I believe can be reached. The system should at least try to do more harm. I also know that people of color should deal with kids of color. More effort to hire native american, hispanic, and black social workers should happen. My family should have gotten help but it could not happen with white workers. They had no idea of native history. I know today in multnomah county I meet native mothers that wait for years to get there kids back when it should not be like that. I know as a child I was very culturally different and could not relate to the folks that spoke with me. They were completely culturally ignorant. That is the same today in many cases.
I don’t think love is enough once a child has been removed from the family to whom they’re attached. I think part of the problem is well-intentioned people who believe it is getting in over their heads with complex needs they didn’t anticipate, and then feeling overwhelmed by the child and under-supported by the community. I do think relationships are key though, and that primary relationships need to be started early and uninterrupted except in the most extreme cases. Attachment and stability are key.
There is truth to what you are saying. Too many kiddo’s are taken when families could be supported. At the same time some children have to be kept safe. I had to be out of my home. The only way my family could have made it would have been the native community stepping in and helping my mom through what she had been through but my Dad would have went to prison along with several siblings would have been arrested. It is tough but for some including myself home was not an option. Even though I grew up in a very large family no one connected with each other. I did not miss anyone when I left. I made a connection later with my mom when I went back to get some understanding. But I don’t feel I have a family. I am on the outside of it. The truth of it should not have been that I and many others got more abuse in foster care. It should have been safe. It should have been culturally appropriate.. I have many friends I love today and I have found a place in my own culture that gives me a sense of belonging. Yes I have attachment issues but I also had them at home with my family. It felt like living in a house with dangerous strangers. I do have suggestions. 1. Don’t make the child’s family out to be monsters no matter how bad they are. Never helps anyone especially the child. 2. Don’t tell children they were not loved. Even if they were not. 3. Don’t set out to fix a child. Focus on the good and begin there. 4. Pay close attention to who the child is culturally. If you have a culturally different child their community can help fill the blank spots a bit. It may make all the difference in the child feeling supported later. 5. Don’t think a child won’t lie about their abuse if a parent or sibling may go to jail. 6. Counseling in groups for foster kids. Most of the one on one treatment for children makes them feel different. The point should be they are not alone and they can make their dreams happen. 7. Quit labeling kids so much. It makes them feel sicker. They behave worse. 8. If poverty is the issue than help the family rather than pay so much later for incarceration etc… 9. Screen foster parents very well. 10. Quit medicating kids so much. 11. Life skills have to be given to kids in care and support after 18 if needed. I have more but that is all for now.
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